Heroic Wall Takes Humpty's Fall
by METMA Mandy
Summary: Everyone knows the story of Humpty's fateful fall, but who ever thought of what the wall he fell off felt about it? I bring you a rant from the wall! (If you like my METMA fics you'll love this!) R/R!


A/N: Ah, another English assignment. Ms. J is asking for it, I tell you! *shifty eyed* Or at any rate, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. I really like this fic, and I hope you will too! *sniff* Poor ickle wall...  
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"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall  
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall  
All the king's horses and all the king's men  
Couldn't put Humpty together again!"  
  
Hrmph. Who wrote this song, anyway? When they were telling the story of this disaster, how could they possibly forget me, the one who had the worst time of them all? The one who suffered the most damage? Me, the wall!  
  
Now, I don't want to brag or anything, but there is a reason Humpty picked ME to sit on that fateful day. I was well known in that time as being the shadiest wall in the kingdom. My length was practically coated with beatiful birds and flowers, and two gardeners were especially delegated to take care of me. Even the king had an occasional picnic by my lovely, picturesque, figure! Of course, all of this was soon to be changed.  
  
Let me level with you. Humpty Dumpty was not a normal egg. Oh, no. The king tried to cover it up, but I knew. Humpty was a clutz. "So, what's the big deal?" you think. HAH! What's the big deal? The big deal is that an elephant on rollar skates could get into less accidents than that egg! The big deal is that everytime the monster "had an accident", someone wound up in a body-cast!  
  
And that's not all. Every once in a while a "rotten egg" turns up. There's an occasional one in a nest. I tell you, that overgrown omelette was a time bomb, just waiting to explode and release toxic fumes all over the place. You can, of course, tell why I didn't want him anywhere near me.  
  
But one day, while I was napping, I felt a gentle tap-tap on my bricks. "Oh, another visitor, how lovely!" I thought to myself. But little did I know that this visitor was to be my last.  
  
KER-SPLAT! Too late, I awoke to the smells of sulfur. And what to my wondering eyes should appear, but Misuer Humpty Dumpty, splattered all over me. Well, I started bawling, let me tell you. It took the 911 operator five minutes just to get me coherent enough to explain what had happened.  
  
The poem says, "...couldn't put Humpty together again." Let me ask you, kind reader. What is more important? A clutzy rotten egg who had finally cracked, or the most loved and admired wall in the kingdom, all covered with muck?  
  
That's what I thought, too! But with all the hustle and bustle of trying to superglue that fiend back together, I was forgotten. ME! Forgotten! Someone could have at least hosed me down, couldn't they? At the very least one of those hundreds of helpers could have given me an air freshener! But no, I was left to rot. The only thought people had of me was "Oh dear, that DOES smell, doesn't it?" and "They certainly let anyone become a wall these days!" with a flip of their nose.  
  
And so my life was ruined. No birds came near me now, unless to defecate all over my once lovely stone. The flowers are long gone; run away to my once rival, the wall down the lane. Even my girlfriend has left me. She scooted away and plugged her cute rock nose with cement. Oh, the pain, the pain of it all!  
  
Ohhh, I'll get them for this. I'll get them all! Do you have ANY idea how hard it is to get egg off if you have no arms? Do you have ANY idea how bad egg smells after just a day in the hot, hot, sun? I'm sure the fancy king and his men didn't! I'm sure the writer of that unfair poem didn't!  
  
Hrmph. What a pity the year is only 1253. I sure would like too be plowed over and taken out of my misery. ...Wonder when bulldozers are invented?  
  
DUH DUH DUH! (The End)  
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A/N: Tee-hee! Now pleeeease do me a favor and review. You will, won't you? PLease? Because I don't want to have to be forced to splatter rotten eggs all over you! *evil laugh* Oh, I mean...I would hate that. Yes, hate. But truly, please review! And join METMA! :)  
  



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